Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Roller Coaster Year 2016

A bit of here and there
Recently flew to Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
Stayed for 2 nights and it was simply like a hometown visit
Last year went for this Flynas Charter based in Jeddah for 4 months
Money was really good, but I missed out one important event in my life, we will come to that later


My fellow teammate of Jeddah flight! My favorite!
7 out of 8 were originally MAS crew, including myself ☺️
Had so much fun in this flight! Thanks for flight guys!


#nofilter #jeddah


3rd December 2016
Attended a friend's wedding dinner
Along with my bestie 



I got all excited and it's been years since my last wedding dinner
We talked bout dress code, white it is!
Should I keep my hair down or up this time? Lol


There she is! The beautiful bride! 
She looks like a princess to me, really 😍
Really happy to see her in wedding gown 
Ah Ling, I sincerely wish you a happy and blissful marriage! 


Sitting down there while waiting for courses by courses
We talked bout things just like we always do
Suddenly it occurred to me
That one biggest regret in my life 
I missed out Evon's wedding last year when I was in Jeddah
I apologized to her over and over again
I am not in her wedding picture
I was not there as "bridesmaid"
I am terribly sorry.. 
I can't turn back time 
I can make another promise
I am going to be your offspring's god daddy
I will sayang he or she or them a lot! Promise! 


After the dinner, grabbed extra 3 more big bottles of beer
Chilled at Elroy's place as usual
Talk ah talk ah talk ah~ 
Evon talked about something related to her past
I went straight to her and hugged her
My Evon girl, she is one hell of the strongest species in the world
Vincent ah Vincent, please sayang her like a princess
And treat her like a queen too ya


The 3 of us, Evon Elroy Crason
23 years of friendship and still counting
Kind of an achievement I would say
I kinda lost count, how many times I cried in front of them
Hahahha hahhaha that's so embarrassing 
And that's also one of the best thing in the world
I can just be myself in front of them
Talk about everything, no shame no worries no fear
And the best of all, no judgement too!
I miss this, we should totally do it more often!
I love you guys so much!


As we go on collecting days
I would like to believe that I did all I can along the way
To try to work things out, to try my level best
Looking back, and compared it to current situation
I realize that
I tried to change, I couldn't improvise it
I tried to adapt, and I couldn't accept it
I tried to ignore too, telling myself it's alright
I tried, and I know that you tried hard too..
What's left? 
We are both tired and we just don't wanna try anymore
We grew tired of each other.. how sad is that


The partner you have right now
Must be someone who helps you to be a better you
To accept you, thereafter your family and your friends
To be a good listener and you don't need to blog anymore 
To do pillowtalk and yet never be tired to do it again & again
To love you as the whole you
If I won't be able to find someone like the abovesaid
I don't mind to go watching movie alone again like today
To continue to blog again like tonight
To drink alone in my room again like every other night
To wake up in the morning to find no one beside of me
To just.. go on with my life 
But I'll be happily spending my time with my family
With my friends and enjoy my own time


Please don't get me wrong
I'm still pretty much positive about falling in love
It requires faith and confidence and trust and fate too
Some lucks as well, don't you think?
I shall wait for you..
Never be afraid to fall in love again! 
Be brave and go out there! 
Hunt for love! 


Year 2016
I've promoted to Senior Cabin Crew
I've successfully quit smoking
I've successfully quit you.. 
Happy birthday to you 05/12/2016
Didn't wish you in person doesn't mean I've forgotten bout you.. btw.. how are you? 

Year 2017
I just want to be happy
Could be the most not specific kind of year in 2017
7 is one lucky number!
Just bring whatever to me and I shall see how it goes
Be happy! Be contented! Be fruitful! Be happy! 


η­‰ζˆ‘ε–” ❤️️

Sunday, November 27, 2016

I want to Thank You

How are you?
I wonder why, it's just a simple greetings, and this is rather difficult for both of us to even say it to each other..
We say it to strangers, on social media
Facebook, Tinder, Instagram 
And we just don't seem to ask each other now


So much so that I hate to admit 
This is really happening and we are both going through this
And this is what we all hate to experience
- The Breakup -
Do you know mama no longer put 2 blankets on our bed?
I came home and saw this
Fefe is all alone now, Fefe is not alive without you
I do talk to him sometimes still
It's just feel weird to talk to Fefe now without you
Fefe is lonely, so am I.. 

Do you know, I went back to waterfall in my hometown
Evon, Elroy and me, just a 2 days 1 night trip anyway
We talked, we reminisced, we laughed and we sighed too
There's pictures, 5 of us, all so lovely, absence of Vincent
Who's left? Though Vincent has married Evon
The rest of us, story has altered, from some point



Do you know that Facebook keeps reminding me
"On this day" ya.... shut up!
Photos from past, kept showing up
Most of the time, I was too scared to look at them
I was scared I will cry, I will not be able to forget about you
Hey.. why not I face the fact?
I will never be able to forget about you..


That's the last picture I have you in my camera roll
Your ever hairy feet, the bangle I bought you
That's the last of you in my iPhone
If my brain can be a projector
I would present you to the world 
Hey.. this man! He was the best boyfriend in the world!
Hehe.. I was so lucky, ain't I?


And that's the last of us together
Just like how we have predicted 
We will never be friend again if we were ever broke up
Even that's a 5 years relationship
Even we hold hands through ups and downs
Even we cried and hugged through every storm
Even we have been through so much and so much 
Even we thought we will be together forever
Even we have never thought of this breakup coming
Even we have faith and trust and the confidence 
Even so and so..
Even so.. we couldn't have fought the fate 


To see them reunited again is like a dream now
Just like the thunder storm this evening 
Reminds me of you who was so scared of thunder howling
Reminds me of how vulnerable you can be
Reminds me of how you used to hug me and acting like a crybaby 
Reminds me of the innocent you
Reminds me of the kindest you
Reminds me of the person who loves me as Crason


Aunty, forgive me for visiting you only a few times in years
Just so you know, you have my full respect like an in law
And my apology, I only got you one bird nest drink in years
I may no longer visit you in the rest of my life
And I truly appreciate your kind words that evening
And your preparation for the dinner that evening
I wish I could hug you and tell you that 
I share your same feeling!
We love the same boy in this world..
How I wish..


Hey boy, do you know I went back to pay back my wish
Just so you know, I could cry all over again
You called to tell me how you prayed for mum and me
Prayed for my health and my career and you..
Involuntary teared over phone..
Thank you.. kindly.. 


And thank you too..
For saying that I'm a θ₯Ώη‚’ι£―+ιš»θ›‹
I'm sorry for asking you to help trimming my hair
For saving that 18rm.. pathetic amount I know..
I can't help to fall in love again and again..
The confident you after trimming my hair and said 
"Wow.. I'm impressed by myself too! I can be a barber!"


I will never see this smile again..
The sweetest side of you..
Do you know I still keep thinking about your sweet smile?


You may not know, I didn't delete any single picture of us
Maybe you should know, I love you whole heartedly
I will bend so low, and put myself so tiny
To apologize any mistake I've ever made in this 5 years
Whatever ups and downs, it's has come to and end
Waived goodbye and we are now all on our own
Exploring the world, like there's so much of uncertainty
Endless hope and endless despair too
Just depending on how we see things, aye?


My favorite picture of all times 
That's you.. the one who sayang me so much
The loveliest BF ever 
The one who accepted me for who I was
The one who loved and cried for me
The one who would die for me
The one who care for my stomach and my well being
The one who used to love me
The one and the only one who cannot be replaced
The my only one 5 years relationship BF
The one and the one was you 
"Was" is a very strong word
Especially to describe someone's past
And that was you..
And for all the above..
I thank you.. 
Thank you once again for accepting me for who I am
Thank you once again for loving me and crying for me
Thank you once again to die for me
Thank you once again to care for my stomach 
Thank you once again to care for my well being
Thank you once again for loving me
Thank you once again for be being irreplaceable 
Thank you once again for the precious 5 years relationship 
Thank you.. thank you..
And that's the limit of my own tears can handle..
I have to stop now..


Let's end this topic and we will all be happy isn't it?
Thank you for everything
And I must move on now
Thank you.. 
Thank you.. 
The humor you..
The funny you..
The bitchy you..
The lovely you..
The caring you..
The whole you..
Why am I still crying...?
Goodbye.. wish you could feel my hug once again..
Take care ya..
Everyone! Let's cry once again.. 
because I just can't stop crying for now..