Its been 3 months..
Here I am to announce.. We broke up for 3 months
I still remember.. I can still recall..
Ur flight departed KUL to CDG at nite..
& I was with Evon crying myself like a kid..
How upset was I that time seeing U left me on April 13th..
We celebrated Ur birthday on 12th April & I hope it was meaningful to U..
I was very happy to know that I am the 1st bf who celebrated Ur birthday..
U know wat am I doing now? I'm actually drinking Cognac (Brandy) + Pepsi
& Yes.. I am kinda drunk..
Wat happened actually..? Y would u change all of a sudden?
The day when I was in Jakarta, U called me & it was still all fine & lovely
After that.. U got to online & U changed so mucj...
U started to show Ur attitude.. As if I am nobody to U..
But I want to thank U.. for asking me "there?" when I was away from my laptop
When I was back.. I was shocked U know..
We carried on with ur conversation..
But I just couldn't take it.. Y would U change so much for just that 2 weeks..
Whatever I asked seem to be a stupid question..
Bii.. U know I just wanted to know more bout Ur environment in Nice..
I concerned bout U.. & all that U did.. was puoring me with such a big bale of cold water..
I might not be as experience in love as the others but I somehow felt..
U just didnt want to continue tis relationship..
It was my 1st time asking for a break up..
U know.. I never ever wanted to end tis relationship.. Never..
If I wanted to break up with U intentionally..
I could have done tis when that Axcest thingy occured..
I could have end it.. When U yelled at me.. Shouted at me..
Telling me that U wanted to stay single.. Don hope to have a relationship during Ur exam..
Arguements.. Even pushed me down from the staircase..
Broke Ur self-promise that U never ever kick anyone but kicked me at my butt..
I gave U chances & chances..
Wat happened in the end?
U could just went to LHR.. to meet Pinkie Ur ex bf & lied to me..
It was 3 months ago 22nd of May 2009..
Can I assume that U was afraid that I would be angry?
& that was the reason U lied to me?
Bii.. I don need tis.. Tat was very cruel..
Especially when U could ignore my text sms.. & even FB msg..
U kept saying that I was forcing U too much
Come on! Everyone here in Malaysia can witness how patient I was..
To wait for Ur phone call & sms..
At tis very moment.. U R definitely out of excuses..
U should know better than anyone.. U R actually the one wanted to end our relationship..
That once used to be so so so so so so close to us.. & U just ended it with Ur ridiculous egoness..
So what U R in France rite now pursuing Ur studies in Engineering Course?
Dare U forgot I am the one who helped U to come out with fake medical report..
I was the one talking to Dr.Lye not to fill in that particluar part..
U had 14 days break b4 U went to France..
& U spent 10 nites with me..
I cant believe that U R doing tis to me..
Telling me all the promises & eventually.. Only shit happened to me..
It was 2 months plus U was in France b4 we broke up..
How many times U called me? Only 3 times..
Wat was all that about? & U could still blame that I was pushing U..
U took me for granted.. Reali U did..
Whom should I blame? U? No.. I don think so..
Instead I blame myself.. For trusting U too much..
It has been 3 months.. & I still think of U everyday..
I miss the time we drink together..
I miss the moment I hug U to sleep.. I told U I didnt even hug my 1st ex to sleep..
I miss our conversation when I told U wat happened to my day..
& U could just reply "So?" that cold..
Do I hate U? Of course I do!
I hate U when I was driving all U d0 was to listening to Ur mp3...
I hate U when U start showing Ur attitude..
I hate U when U chewed the Digi sim card & puked it to the toilet..
I hate U when U R saying that I am not strong when I kena taruh from senior/leading..
I hate U when U R saying that U would call me everyday even U R in France..
I hate U when U R saying that I should wait for U to come back to Malaysia b4 I continue my Degree Couse..
I hate U when U R saying that I am the most special bf U ever had..
I hate U for giving me so much hope that I thought we could be together 4ever..
I hate U for saying that that U wan a steady bf who is me..
I hate U for staying that we have gone thru a lot..
I hate U for so many things.. I hate U so so much..
& the last thing I hate bout U..
is that I cant even hate U..
Its been 3 months.. & I still love U..
Evon, Elroy.. Pls don scold me after reading tis post..
I am just drunk & emo..
I can do tis.. I will forget bout Bii & continue with my current life..
I was thinking.. I gave Bii 3 months probation periods b4 starting our realionship..
& I should also give Bii 3 months period to think bout me b4 ending it..
Apparently.. I am nothing to Bii.. I am just no one..
Its alright.. I have my own life..
Can I say tis again?
I might have feeling towards U..
Not strong enough to want U back..
But sufficient enough to make my heart pain..
I am Crason! I will never give up revolving my life!
Let tis drunken nite ends here..
Wishe me luck & all the best!
p/s: Once U R my Bii.. 4ever U will be.. I miss U still.. & I love U still..