Monday, August 24, 2009

Dear Bii..


Its been 3 months..

Here I am to announce.. We broke up for 3 months

I still remember.. I can still recall..

Ur flight departed KUL to CDG at nite..

& I was with Evon crying myself like a kid..

How upset was I that time seeing U left me on April 13th..

We celebrated Ur birthday on 12th April & I hope it was meaningful to U..

I was very happy to know that I am the 1st bf who celebrated Ur birthday..

U know wat am I doing now? I'm actually drinking Cognac (Brandy) + Pepsi

& Yes.. I am kinda drunk..

Wat happened actually..? Y would u change all of a sudden?

The day when I was in Jakarta, U called me & it was still all fine & lovely

After that.. U got to online & U changed so mucj...

U started to show Ur attitude.. As if I am nobody to U..

But I want to thank U.. for asking me "there?" when I was away from my laptop

When I was back.. I was shocked U know..

We carried on with ur conversation..

But I just couldn't take it.. Y would U change so much for just that 2 weeks..

Whatever I asked seem to be a stupid question..

Bii.. U know I just wanted to know more bout Ur environment in Nice..

I concerned bout U.. & all that U did.. was puoring me with such a big bale of cold water..

I might not be as experience in love as the others but I somehow felt..

U just didnt want to continue tis relationship..

It was my 1st time asking for a break up..

U know.. I never ever wanted to end tis relationship.. Never..

If I wanted to break up with U intentionally..

I could have done tis when that Axcest thingy occured..

I could have end it.. When U yelled at me.. Shouted at me..

Telling me that U wanted to stay single.. Don hope to have a relationship during Ur exam..

Arguements.. Even pushed me down from the staircase..

Broke Ur self-promise that U never ever kick anyone but kicked me at my butt..

I gave U chances & chances..

Wat happened in the end?

U could just went to LHR.. to meet Pinkie Ur ex bf & lied to me..

It was 3 months ago 22nd of May 2009..

Can I assume that U was afraid that I would be angry?

& that was the reason U lied to me?

Bii.. I don need tis.. Tat was very cruel..

Especially when U could ignore my text sms.. & even FB msg..

U kept saying that I was forcing U too much

Come on! Everyone here in Malaysia can witness how patient I was..

To wait for Ur phone call & sms..

At tis very moment.. U R definitely out of excuses..

U should know better than anyone.. U R actually the one wanted to end our relationship..

That once used to be so so so so so so close to us.. & U just ended it with Ur ridiculous egoness..

So what U R in France rite now pursuing Ur studies in Engineering Course?

Dare U forgot I am the one who helped U to come out with fake medical report..

I was the one talking to Dr.Lye not to fill in that particluar part..

U had 14 days break b4 U went to France..

& U spent 10 nites with me..

I cant believe that U R doing tis to me..

Telling me all the promises & eventually.. Only shit happened to me..

It was 2 months plus U was in France b4 we broke up..

How many times U called me? Only 3 times..

Wat was all that about? & U could still blame that I was pushing U..

U took me for granted.. Reali U did..

Whom should I blame? U? No.. I don think so..

Instead I blame myself.. For trusting U too much..

It has been 3 months.. & I still think of U everyday..

I miss the time we drink together..

I miss the moment I hug U to sleep.. I told U I didnt even hug my 1st ex to sleep..

I miss our conversation when I told U wat happened to my day..

& U could just reply "So?" that cold..

Do I hate U? Of course I do!

I hate U when I was driving all U d0 was to listening to Ur mp3...

I hate U when U start showing Ur attitude..

I hate U when U chewed the Digi sim card & puked it to the toilet..

I hate U when U R saying that I am not strong when I kena taruh from senior/leading..

I hate U when U R saying that U would call me everyday even U R in France..

I hate U when U R saying that I should wait for U to come back to Malaysia b4 I continue my Degree Couse..

I hate U when U R saying that I am the most special bf U ever had..

I hate U for giving me so much hope that I thought we could be together 4ever..

I hate U for saying that that U wan a steady bf who is me..

I hate U for staying that we have gone thru a lot..

I hate U for so many things.. I hate U so so much..

& the last thing I hate bout U..

is that I cant even hate U..

Its been 3 months.. & I still love U..


Evon, Elroy.. Pls don scold me after reading tis post..

I am just drunk & emo..

I can do tis.. I will forget bout Bii & continue with my current life..

I was thinking.. I gave Bii 3 months probation periods b4 starting our realionship..

& I should also give Bii 3 months period to think bout me b4 ending it..

Apparently.. I am nothing to Bii.. I am just no one..

Its alright.. I have my own life..

Can I say tis again?

I might have feeling towards U..

Not strong enough to want U back..

But sufficient enough to make my heart pain..


I am Crason! I will never give up revolving my life!

Let tis drunken nite ends here..

Wishe me luck & all the best!


p/s: Once U R my Bii.. 4ever U will be.. I miss U still.. & I love U still..

9 comments:

  1. oh my dear~
    dun too upset~
    be happy~
    the pass let it pass~
    life have to go on !

    cheer up!!!

    try your best!

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  2. Morning my dear...i cant believe u wrote such a long blog about him...Impressive!!! i enjoy reading it the things that you go thru...kicking,bite sim card,car break down,emo alot...haiz~! he reli had a great impact on u. Everyone knows tat... it is very hard for u to let him go...coz he is ur type of coffee. hahaha! but i believe (Max 2 more months) u will totally forget about him. No feeling at all even meet on street or airport. Hahaha~!In this world, no such thing "take it for granted"...if somebody treat u this way, wat are u waiting for...SAY BYE to him!!! when u 2 together, evon and mine ears bleeding 99. u understand wat i mean?hahaha~!!! somehow i can sense tat he is tat bad type (phyco) of person. Kick u wor~~!!! if i m u, i report police straight away~! SIAO meh!!! just ignore anything about him and go on to your life oki? As ur BEST frens, we do care about u. Reli wish ur life smooth as Taufu Fa!!! No more devil BF, no more bad incidents,and etc... can u immagine that this 3 months happen so many bad things on u? ur psp,car,hp,moneys,career, and etc....and he dun even care to ask about u...y u stil wan to behave like this. I just wan to inform everyone that dont alwis think you are the king all the time. every1 need cares and love. If u aspect somebody treat u in a way u wan, then PLEASE treat them first. Dun request ppl do it to you often okie...robot oso will spoit 1 pls!!! (i feel so LAME now) hahaha~! oki la...crason, dun emo anymore. pls work hard, enjoy ur trips, tell us more about ur story, culture, and ur salary~! i oni hav 2 weeks time leave in Msia. I getting worry about our "Eternal Frenship". hahaha~! all the best...we (Crason, Evon, & Elroy) frens forever!!! budak betul!!! biar~~~

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  3. dear, let bygone be bygone :) If this relationship is meant to be continued, it will last even tho you didnt put in much effort. It's ok to get emo and write something like this in your blog, but then again, i hope you know, what's the right thing you really neeed to do when you're sober. Everyone gets hurt, so don't take it as a very big deal okay? if others can get it throught, why can't you? :) time is always the best medicine. It will heal eventually, and i'm sure you will have someone better again, someone who would appreciate you even more , love you even more.

    And you know you're not alone, you have elroy and I, and other friends as well. We might not able to give you those kind of feelings that he can give, but the least we could do is to let you know, you're always loved and cared by us regardless who you are and what you do :) Show me the bad ass crason attitude, tell the world you do not need any fucking one of them to keep you survive alright? :D

    for the time being, let we three spend more time together, now that is what mattering the most :)

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  4. This article really touch my heart... I can be understand your feeling while u were writting. Anyway, be tough. Im so jelous. Cuz u have such a good friends like Evon and Elroy. Be tough guy!!

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  5. be happy .
    don sad bcoz of this guy.
    frm the day i start reading ur blog,i feel that u're a cheerful & outgoing steward.
    this is d 1st time i see u post emo blog,tatz mean u're reli sad.
    no matter wad hapen,be tough !
    tatz it .
    live life to the fullest .

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  6. Be tough man. Live still have to go on. He just part of your life. Don't think too much and move on. I believe you will met your Mr Right soon.

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  7. It is all over man lolx
    Just emo a bit only
    p/s ADA AKU KISAH.. who cares! xoxo

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  8. Crason,accidentally read your p/s:ADA AKU KISAH
    that sentence made me think of during my college orientation,our seniors taught us the cheer of "ADA AKU KISAH" in the most sissy way..OMG~we all got fainted to learn that,but not dare to ignore it..
    that's quite a wonderful moment for me..haha..
    but for your case,definitely,it was 1 year plus ago,no matter how sad were you,at least now,ur still continue your life as usual..and looking forward a new relationship.that's a good sign tho~stay happy

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