Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Needed A Post to Express!

I am feeling kinda guilty now
For I have quite a lot of pictures pending to be posted
All I am thinking is about.. Ivy
Guess there will be people sweating over there "Ivy again??"
Yeah man, same old story.. same old topic..
If you don't like it, might as well just don't drop by my blog anymore
Like I said.. I just need a post to express how I feel..
Needed a place to note down how I go through all this..

*Cough Cough* I am actually still sick
Coughing, running nose, slight fever
More than enough to kill me
I understand that I did not have enough rest recently
Not to put the blame on Ivy, I just wanted to spend more time with her
That includes driving all day long under hot sun
Slept few hours & went for flight
Me myself not a person who loves visiting clinic
So I took those left over medicine
I think I am getting better, hopefully will be recovered soon enough

I was supposed to have days off on 25th & 26th Oct
Thinking bout she will be leaving so soon
I brought Wayne & Colleen back to Ipoh to visit her
It was fun to see her & her family
B4 drove back to KL, I actually hugged her mama & tears a bit
What a lovely family, auntie I know you must be so proud of Ivy
I wanna say.. Me too, proud of you darling Ivy

27th Oct onwards I worked till 31st Oct
1st Nov my only day off before Taipei 2nd-4th
I gotta help out! Ivy has lots of things needed to be cleared
I realise to get a job in this company could be easier than to resign from it
You need to drive here & there, see different department head
Return this & that, all those time wasting job
& again, of course.. another restless day

2nd to Taipei, pick up it was early in the morning 0630hrs
Ivy specifically told me to wake her up before my pick up
It was 15 mins before time is up, I went to her room
Quietly unzipped her LongChamp handbag
& put in the letter I wrote for her
Sat there quietly beside her bed, a beautiful princess sleeping tight
Still I woke her up, she rolled on her bed a while
She touched me & said.. "Take care ah Crason.."
With or without control, my tears just shed like raining
Its gonna be the one last day I can physically see her this morning
Tell me how am I supposed not to feel any bitter inside?

She walked me to downstairs, wait for transport to come
Both of us were cursing transport always late
But deep down, how I wish transport comes later than usual
I wanna see Ivy more.. But when Ivy notices I'm looking at her
I turned away, I don't know why & don't ask me why..
There was a moment where both of us kept silence
She hugged me all of a sudden & "I'll miss you Crason.."
My immediate response was acting cool.. I didn't show response
Although tears dropping but I didn't want her to know
There it is, the transport came
I saw Ivy walked to the elevator, I stood there & waved my hands
Heart was in pain.. Ivy, goodbye..
A real goodbye..

I am now in Taipei, alone in my room
Thinking bout this, its killing me inside
WHY am I such an idiot? WHAT the hell I am doing?
Ivy, I wanted to hug you actually but I was a stupid ass
I know if I were to hug you back, I would have cried even more
& now, I can't even touch you or see you or even smell you anymore
I am sorry that I can't be there in the airport on 4th
I am an idiot!!! I am so stupid!!!
Acting cool when you hug me? What was I thinking?
I am sorry.. really I am.. :(

In the letter, I think I expressed well
If I knew you will be leaving one day
I wish I could turn back the time
I will truly enjoy this 2 years staying with you
& I will definitely treat you better, I promise
It's alright, don't be guilty for I am sick these days
It's all worthy for you
It's ok we spent you expensive Japanese dinner
It's the least thing that I could do for you
I just wanna see you happily leaving Malaysia
& I wanna remember how sweet is your smile on your face

Ivy: "I don't expect anyone to understand the friendship I have with you & Wayne"
Me: "Me too, I don't think Elroy & Evon would understand either"
Ivy: "You two are the closest friend I have in KL"
Me: "Ivy, you are my another younger sister"

Now I just want to go to bed
& I wish the time will turn back to 2 years ago
& I will have Ivy for another 2 more years again..
Let's enjoy the time spending together again shall we, Wayne & Ivy?
OH MY.. I just wish I could stop crying again..

p/s: Ivy, please remember that wherever you go, I would miss you & Love you



  1. Crason, Crason.. i think i did mention before, most of the blogs that i read before were all about your friends: Elroy, Evon and your lovely housemate, Ivy. so i guess, i'm not feeling bored reading it too. besides, this is your blog, so it should be written about your own stories right? ^^

    haha.. i can both of us are the same type, i hate step in into clinic. the smell there just makes me feel sick.. so everytime when i fall sick, my mum's head is gonna aching.. :P

    well, i got no that much experiences about get a new company and resigned from former company as u know, i'm self-employed. i do wish one day in the future, i able to change my path of working life.. ^^

    from your words, i guess i able to understand your feeling when waiting for the transport together with Ivy. well, we hate farewell, although we know, most of friendship will meet a separation because of marriage, working and etc. for sure, Ivy knew your true feeling which u were trying hardly to hide from her. sometimes, in that very situation, a silence is much better than a word, but the sense is still being touched.

    "...Ivy: "I don't expect anyone to understand the friendship I have with you & Wayne"..."

    from the sentences, i can tell that Ivy loves both u and Wayne so much, she appreciates so much of the friendship between her and u and Wayne.

    last but not least, be happy ya~

  2. So sad. Hope u r feeling better now ..

  3. the guy in the youtube is so cute :).. i mean super cute..

    don wori.. I believe Ivy understand ur feeling.. take care.. u r dealing with ppls on flight.. thus to healthy is very important.. CHAI cai yo :)

  4. life will have meet and leave...... people will knew what u do always...... cheer up as i think they, who ever your lovely also wanna like that...... even sometime they keep bad feeling inside themselves to make sure every memories noted in mind together with people surround will be always enough to made happiness instead of sadness in future......time always accompany us but it never stop to wait for us, due to that it gave us a special gift that is memories with also we will forgot one day...keep good trow bad..... you have a special gift too that is your smile which i never meet before and hopefully will smile always and always............ :)